Tales of a Sex Store Worker: Men’s Packages
November 22, 2012
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
Never in my life have I seen so many pairs of men’s balls then I have at work. Now first of all I’m not actually seeing them up close and personal all in the nude. But not much is being left to the imagination in most cases. I wouldn’t mind if the balls were on the bodies of hot attractive men who I would enjoy doing naughty things to me. But as my luck would have it, all the packages I have seen busting out have belonged to much older men.
Sweatpants are comfy and I love them. But there is a time and place for them. Men, you should know not to wear them to a sex store. For example – This man comes in every so often and always has the same pair of sweatpants on. He spends his time in the male enhancement section and likes to talk to me about the newest stuff. The sweatpants are navy and have the elastic ankle bands. These my friends are not baggy ones either, they are pretty snug. Yep, it is all out there for me to see. He only occasionally buys things; he must just like to show off the goods. Which, are not good at all. Read more
Tales of a Sex Store Worker: 20 Bucks for Sex?!
November 22, 2012
Tales of a Sex Store Worker
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
My week at work would not be complete without creepy guys coming into the store to make me uncomfortable. I came back from break the other day and my friend who I was working with told me to keep an eye on this guy that’s been wandering around the store. She mentioned he was in earlier in the week and was wicked strange. So I went right over to him and asked him if he needed any help. He was looking through the porn when I talked to him. He was a young Muslim guy with a creepy mustache. He had the most difficult accent which made it very hard for me to decipher anything that he said.
He muttered something about wanting sex. Since we were looking at porn I hoped for the best and went ahead and asked him what it was that he was looking for regarding a flick. He pointed to a few movies and asked how much and I told him. He looked at me and said, “For sex?” Playing dumb I continued to talk about the movies and said that they did have sex in them if that was what he was looking for.
Tales of a Sex Store Worker: My Favorite Customer
November 22, 2012
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
I have gotten really good at reading customers when they come into the store. Especially the ones I think will spend lots of money and want everything in the store. They are fun but not as much fun as when the situation is “Sugar Daddy” infused. You can always spot them as soon as they walk into the store. Usually it’s an older gentleman with his label covered, probably my age and most of the time accompanied by a foreign girlfriend. Once or twice I’ve seen this with gay men as well but 90% of the time it’s the older man/younger lady scenario.
Kids and Dildos Don’t Mix
November 21, 2012
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
I’m faced with many challenges while I’m at work. One of them which happens to be one of the most important is making sure everyone who enters the store is of legal age. New York State law says that a person must be at least 18 years old to be inside of a adult sex store. It doesn’t matter if you are with someone who is of age, anyone entering the store MUST be 18 otherwise we could get into huge trouble. This is marked on a sign right as you enter the store where everyone can see it. But of course no one actually follows the rules and I often end up asking for ID’s from the youngsters.
Teenagers constantly try to come into the store and fool around and act like little beasts and mess stuff up. I stop them at the door and ID them, which they aren’t always ready for. They give me the old “Oh, I don’t have my ID on me but my friend is 18” speech. Yeah that’s not going to work on me. I don’t ask everyone who comes into the store for ID, only if you look too young to be in there. A few times kids have come into the store and they looked old enough to be in there and I let them walk around. But then they make the mistake of asking me if they have to be a certain age to be in the store, this is a dead give away. Of course they end up being like 15 because they tell me straight out and I send them on their way.
Never Ever Do That Again!
August 19, 2009
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
Our store is not only about selling things but we are also there to help people when they have questions about things that are, or are not, going on in their sex lives. I try my best to help out in anyway that I can. But sometimes certain individuals just need a little schooling.
This man called the other day because he was having a sexual problem with his girlfriend. He was saying that she has a very hard time getting turned on and when she gets into it, it takes a really long time to reach the point of orgasm. There are many solutions to this I thought in my head, but then he gave me the final detail. He stated that she is not a big fan of sex toys and isn’t open to experimenting with stimulating creams or pills either. He wanted to find out how he could get her into it without her knowing.
So I started with some basic questions like – Have you every tried anything before? Is she afraid of toys and that’s why she doesn’t want to use them? Have you talked about stimulation creams before? I was giving him a whole lot of information and I think he got a little overwhelmed. So I took a moment and took a more strategic approach.
Is Clothing Optional?
July 1, 2009
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
One of the things I have learned is to always have a smile on my face. Even if there is a creepy strange man saying weird things to me and making me cringe. The guys that always have the strangest things to say for some reason like to talk to me. Maybe because I just entertain them and listen. I don’t want to make them feel bad and I would never be mean to them unless they really crossed the line. But sometimes after they leave I have the WTF just happened look on my face, like yesterday.
I came up from downstairs and heard my coworker talking to this man and saying something about I would have more info on the subject and he should talk to me. Usually that means they have a porn question; and those are sent my direction. This man walks over and I knew this was going to be interesting.
Keep Your Shirt On
June 19, 2009
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
Why is it when silly/crazy things happen at work it’s usually on the same day as another? The other day was lets lift up our shirt day. And normally if you are an attractive man I have no issue with that – I welcome the lifting. But when you’re a strange little man or old and sweaty, keep it on please. They don’t pay me enough to look at that.
First was this young kid who wanted to leave some fliers for a dungeon in the store. He must have been 19 or 20 and defiantly had his own style. Dressed in all black with I don’t know how many chains and bobbles hanging off him. Spiked hair loud with gel and colors and adorned with some flashy goggles. To each his own but not for me. Read more
Porn Warehouse Day
June 11, 2009
It’s no secret that I love porn. When I first started working at The Pleasure Chest I would get to put my suggestions in for what we should carry. Then the ultimate job became mine, doing the buying of the porn. Which means that I was allowed to go to the porn warehouse and pick out what we should carry. I wet my pants with excitement! Well not really but I did jump up and down a lot.
They know me by name there, which is always nice. It’s like a teenage boys wet dream in there. Rows and rows of DVDs just waiting to be jacked off to. I’m always in heaven when I first get there. They walk me around and show me all the new stuff and prices and deals. I refuse to carry anything that looks poorly made and are just plain crap. I have standards for my store. Then they let me loose.
My Intro To Being A Sex Store Worker
June 11, 2009
By Ms. Lucy Vonne | Smutlife
Working at a sex store is a very fascinating job and I love it. A lot of people wonder why one would choose to work in one. For me it was out of my love and wanting to work in porn. So when I moved to New York I sought out the famous stores and picked The Pleasure Chest. I did not want to work in a place with sticky floors if you know what I mean. Lucky me they hired me and I have been so happy there ever since.
People think working in a store like this is crazy all the time, that I must encounter strange people and have a bunch of wild stories to tell. Yes sometimes I do have stories to tell and they are funny. Everyone likes to know the workings and what goes on in the everyday operations of a sex store. I am here to bring you those inside tips and funny stories that go on.
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