TheProPerv Review: Extreme Prague Sluts & Next Friday Night

Review by TheProPerv | Smutlife

Hello again, wankers. The reviews I have for you this time are full of top-notch cocksuckers, sluts and even a story line. The vids are, “Extreme Prague Sluts”, and “Next Friday Night.” Let’s get started with the lovely ladies from the Czech Republic.

“Extreme Prague Sluts” is full of threesomes (FFM),  anal and even a DP scene. The women are all hot and have amazing tits, there must be something in the water over there that we don’t have here. The line up of ladies includes; Naomi Montana, Perry, Lena Cova, Angelina, Rachel Evans, Cynthia Vellons, Melissa Ria, Lility and Christina Lee. Read more

Jim Powers’ College Girls

 

New, from Mike Hunt: “Jim Powers’ College Girls” sets the standard for a new slant with scenarios and fresh faces in a school room setting.

 

“Jim Powers’ College Girls” from Mike Hunt Inc. is the latest from AVN Award-winning director Jim Powers. Girls barely college-age decide to keep their grades up by putting their teacher’s cocks up their tight little schoolgirl snatches. The hot, fresh action will have you writhing in anticipation!

The DVD opens with the teacher being railed over the phone by a mother who is pissed off that her daughter is failing and thus can’t join the sorority she and her own mother were members of. In walks Bailey Blue, an intrepid tart who brings in a note from her mother giving her teacher, Evan Stone, permission to fuck her daughter so she can get an A for his class. This is the most imaginative scene setup you will ever see! This hot sexy slut will do anything to pass the class and slides her succulent pussy down her teacher’s pole to prove it! Read more

The ProPerv Review

 

Review by The ProPerv | Smutlife

 

Greetings smut enthusiasts! I am TheProPerv, and I will be reviewing some of the best new vids for you to add to the spank bank. This, my first review, will feature two flicks from Bluebird Films, both directed by Marc Twain, “The Sybian Scam”, and “Rich Teen Sluts.”

I started with “The Sybian Scam”, mainly because of Jenna Presley and Lexi Belle. These two have been favorites of mine for a while. Who can go wrong with the amazing body and huge tits of Jenna Presley, or the extreme cuteness and fuckability of Lexi Belle? Anyways, the flick is about a “scam” where some guys get these girls to partake in a “butt and thigh toner”. Once there the girls, of course, get turned on and naked by riding this machine, which leads to some awesome cock sucking, and fucking. Read more

The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005)

Cinema Review by Otis Claiborne | Smutlife

This wasn’t initially going to be a review but after taking nearly a week to get through this nearly unbearable to watch film we decided that it was our duty to let you know that you should absolutely not give this flick the time of day.  From time to time we’ll definitely sugar coat a review on a film or at least help give it some redeeming quality that will help build interest around it, but after watching this pile of dog shit we had to just come straight from the gut – raw and uncut with pure brutal honesty.  The only reason that we picked up The Slaughterhouse Massacre was because we were led to believe that porn star VENUS aka Angelica Costello was featured in it as NAKED GIRL #2.  BULLSHIT!!! Read more

Black Devil Doll (2007)

Cinema Review by Calvin Smitty | Smutlife

Remember back in the 2000’s when all of your white friends were doing their best impression of Dave Chappelle’s take on Rick James?  Remember how you all laughed and laughed at the crazy hilarious lines?  Remember how Chappelle thought we were all laughing just a little too hard at some of the racial comments that were being said on his show and he hightailed it to Africa?  Well, Black Devil Doll (a crazed black revolutionary puppet) is just that, but with tons of boobs to keep you captivated.

Case in point, the line “I fucked yo couch!” is said by Black Devil Doll.

A black serial killer is put to death for his long run of the rape and murder of a whole slew of white women.  Wouldn’t you know a white girl happens to be playing with a Ouija board allowing the killer’s soul to jump into a nearby doll.  The doll turns black, grows an Afro and begins fucking, delivering classic (yet politically incorrect) one-liners, raping, and killing.  The end. Read more

1984 Cult Classic & The Original Parody and Spoof DRILLER: A SEXUAL THRILLER XXX

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

Cinema Review | Calvin Smitty

A film team making a documentary on cannibal tribes has been missing in the South American jungle for over two months.  An anthropologist leads a rescue team in search of the missing filmmakers only to find their footage.

The film starts off with the famous quote:

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” – George Santayana

If only we listened.  “Cannibal Holocaust” is the grand daddy of found footage films, so much so that the director Ruggero Deodato was actually arrested on obscenity charges and charged with making a snuff film because people are dumb and want to believe movies are real.  He actually had to have the actors appear in court to prove that he didn’t have them killed.

Granted “Cannibal Holocaust” was one of, if not the first, of a long string of found footage films. How many of you sat in the theater watching “The Blair Witch Project” next to some douche that was shrieking in terror to nothing but snot running down some girl’s face?  Or while watching “Cloverfield” did someone next to you act befuddled that they missed the news that a big monster had torn through New York City?  And most recently with “The Last Exorcism,” overheard some dumb old lady blurt out, “Does that girl got the goddamned devil inside her or somethin’?”  Well I have and I’m tired of it. Read more

Madhouse (1974)

After the mysterious death of his fiancé, has-been horror-film icon Paul Toombes attempts to revitalize his most famous character, Dr. Death. But wouldn’t you know it people start dying all over the place in ways that resemble the work of Dr. Death.  Toombes is losing his mind and suspects he may be responsible for the string of killings because he and Dr. Death could now be one in the same.

I wanted to enjoy this film.  Honestly.  Okay, actually I had no idea what to expect from this film.  I watched the trailer for “Madhouse” first and found it to be actually pretty entertaining.  Then something very odd happened.  Something so unexpected, so mind boggling, so depressing that this “horror” film had to be seen.  I almost can’t even type this….but…..but…..THIS FILM IS RATED PG! The trailer looks like a very promising slasher film starring horror greats Vincent Price and Peter Cushing, but “Madhouse” is actually your grandfather’s answer to the “Scream” franchise.

NOTE: “Scream” creator, Kevin Williamson could not be reached for comment because I did not call him.

In the film, Vincent Price is Paul Toombes the star of a successful film franchise focusing on his Dr. Death character.  At a premiere party for his most recent film Toombes not only premieres his new movie, but also he shows off his new former adult film actress bride-to-be.  Guess what happens next.  Yep, Toombes’ fiancé gets her head cut off (by what appears to be the dullest knife in cinematic history) by someone posing as Dr. Death. Read more

“BLACK DYNAMITE” (2009)

Cinema Review by Calvin Smitty | Smutlife

Okay, in all honesty “Black Dynamite” is a spoof of the blaxploitation films of the 70’s and the plot is not important.  The jokes are front center here, but if I have to give you a plot here it is – Black Dyamite is fightin’ the man.  There ya’ happy?

It feels like the creator of “Black Dynamite” was quit possibly the long lost illegitimate black brother, from another mother of Mel Brooks.  There’s so much comedy packed into this flick that in the process it actually makes co-stars Tommy Davidson and Arsenio Halls‘ over exaggerated laughs funny again (or for the first time.)

Who knew Michael Jai White was so hilarious?  You must forgive me, but I sat out the “Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married” franchise.  So if he was funny in those films so be it, but I’m willing to bet that not only did you not see those films you may not even be aware they exist. Read more

“VICE SQUAD” (1982)

Cinema Review by Calvin Smitty | Smutlife

Over the course of a night we follow a prostitute, a sociopath and the cops who search the seedy backdrop of early 80′s Hollywood.

I’m not going to lie but there are couple scenes in this film where our villain Ramrod is beating women on his way to mutilate them that had me squirm in my couch.  That reaction comes from either discovering that violence against women isn’t funny. Said woman in one of the scenes is early MTV’s own Nina Blackwood or the actor playing Ramrod, Wings Hauser, is either a fantastic performer or an equally fantastic crazy person.  I’ve always thought the J.Lo movie “Enough”, where she gets beat up by her boyfriend for 90 minutes was always hilarious.  I don’t really care one way or the other about Nina Blackwood.  (If Martha Quinn were in the role instead, different story.)  So that leaves me to believe that our villain here is an unspoken Javier Bardem or Anton Sugar incarnate.

I also have to believe that Wings Hauser scared the shit out of the filmmakers on set to the point that he was able to convince them to use his song “Neon Slime” as the movie’s theme.  I cannot think of another example where the villain was singing the theme during the opening title and closing credits.  Amazing! Read more

“PIECES” (1982)

Cinema Review by Calvin Smitty | Smutlife

A young boy is playing with a nudie jigsaw puzzle when his mother catches him with this smut. A scolding ensues. In return, said son grabs an ax and hacks mommy into….wait for it…wait for it… PIECES!  Forty years later, someone is chopping up college girls and collecting body parts from each victim.  Who is the killer?  Leave it to the cops, a sexy undercover female agent posing as a tennis instructor and the local big man on campus to figure out this 80’s schlock mystery.

If you’ve seen one slasher film you’ve seen them all, but if you haven’t seen “Pieces” you haven’t seen shit.  Ladies and gentlemen, “Pieces” is the shit!

This film has everything you’d ever want from a trashy horror film.  Tits, amazing dubbing, bloody kills, random kung-fu and an ending that even if I were to spoil it for you here you’d still have to see it to believe it.

The “who done chopped up these girls” mystery of  “Pieces” is full of red herrings.  Throughout the film you’re wondering who the killer is, but it is just like watching a 90 minute long fucked up episode of  “Scooby-Doo.”  I know this because after watching the film I called a friend immediately and told him that I had just watched the most fucked up “Scooby-Doo” episode of all time.  Is the killer the college stud, the homosexual professor, the burly college groundskeeper or just someone random whack-o?  Does it matter who’s butchering these women?  Not really. Read more

5 Best Rap Star Horror Movie Moments

By Andy Green | Smutlife

For some reason rappers seem to have a pre-disposition toward the horror genre. This fact of life makes for some of the most entertaining actions ever burned onto a film! While watching a horror movie, you are supposed to release yourself from reality and believe outlandish things. Nothin’ sucks ya back into reality quicker than some rapper cappin’ something unworldly,  un-dead or both! Read more

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