On-Line Hook Ups…
July 1, 2010
When I was a teenager, my dad did his best to keep me away from the Internet. Of course, when anyone tells me that something (or someone) is off limits, I want it even more. When I moved out at the age of 17 I got my hands on a laptop, one of those awful dial-up Internet connections, and it all went downhill from there. No wonder my dad wanted to keep me off of the computer… It’s like walking down a dark alley at night and into some sketchy club filled with all sorts of sexual perverseness where corner hoes have been replaced by cam whores, and Trojan viruses are the new STDs. But it’s not all that bad…
Take online dating for example. I don’t know why it gets such a bad rap. I mention it to people and they get all offended, like, “I’m not *that* desperate!” I mean, hello?? You just went to a dive bar and made out with a dude that smelled like sweaty gym socks. Obviously you are that desperate. I use online dating and I’m not desperate, I’m not ugly, and I’m not a psychopath. I think all of those are common stereotypes when it comes to this type of thing. I use online dating because it’s fun, I like to meet new people, and I’m incredibly fucking horny. That being said, I have never used online dating to find love (or something like it), but I have accidentally stumbled across it on multiple occasions. My adventures in the online dating world are primarily with one main goal in mind: sex. And I’m willing to bet that you, yes you, have at the very least read an online personal ad or two, if not posted one of your own on-line. Unfortunately, fellas, you outnumber the real women on these ads like crazy, and guys like the Craigslist Killer have made a lot of women second-guess meeting their online Don Juan for a real-life rendezvous.
I have always been a little bit cautious about looking for men online. I’m always afraid I’ll get raped or murdered. Despite my fear, I posted ads on AshelyMadison.com and Craig’s List just last month. It was the first time I had placed an ad on either of these sites and I wasn’t sure what I was even looking for. My ad on Craig’s List, literally, said I was looking for “an unspecified something” and told the guys to let me know what they wanted and I’d see if anything sounded intriguing. I got a lot of replies. A lot. Then I did something really crazy: I replied to all of them. After weeding through all of the psychos, perverts, and ones that just weren’t physically appealing to me, I narrowed it down to one guy. I had a lot of good guys in the bunch that I still occasionally talk to, but this one guy was perfect. I even met him in real life and he totally didn’t rape me. I even thanked him for not killing me when we said goodbye.
Meeting someone offline like this was, for me, was a very rare thing. I’m usually quite content with keeping things virtual. I know there’s a lot of you out there who are sketchy about this whole online dating thing, but c’mon guys, look at the benefits: you can see multiple women without any of them knowing, you don’t have to pay for dates, and if the girl gets annoying you can just log off then later say your laptop battery died or some shit like that. There’s other benefits, too: it is, in my experience, easier to find people with common interests, it’s available to you even after the local bar has had it’s last call, and you can cut to the chase a lot quicker than you can compared to meeting someone the traditional way. Can you imagine walking up to a woman you don’t know and right away asking her if she’s looking for casual sex or a long term commitment and if she wants to trade naked pictures? Online that’s okay. Offline… not so much.
So what have you got to lose? Find a dating site that suits your needs (there’s one for nearly every situation from religion to sexual orientation, group sex to romance, and BDSM to STD status), and throw together an ad that says something more than “I’m looking for a chick to fuck” (yes, I have seen ads like that, and I am sure no one responds to them). Just be honest, be yourself, and try not to sound like a dick. Worst case scenario, you get no replies and you can go back to trolling the bars. Best case scenario, you find a chick to fuck – and maybe something more. Like love. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.